This brain, the one that never stops analyzing and thinking is both a blessing and a curse because while it can bring you so much joy and satisfaction, it also reminds you of the life you don’t have, and the people you’ll never know, and the love you don’t feel. It creates a whole novel out of nothing, and there’s no way to turn that off, so meaningless exchanges that strike you wrong become giant scenes of drama and fear that annoy you to the point of anxiety, but since others don’t think the same way you do, they don’t understand why you’re so upset because your worries aren’t even real, they’re literally all in your head or on the paper in front of you. They’re not real, it’s not real, it’s something coming out of absolutely nothing, the Law of Attraction says that you always attract into your life the people, ideas, opportunities, and circumstances in harmony with your dominant thoughts, sometimes you do not believe what you see, but rather you see what you already believe.
We live in a world where we cannot confess our emotions without the fear of being judged, which results with people who bottle up their feelings, eventually choosing solitude to being surrounded by people. Isolating yourself could lead you to overthink everything, imagining and creating parallel universes, hoping that one day they could live a life as they imagined. You might actually try to live like that, and you might believe your life is going in the right path, but then comes reality and karma. The deadly weapons of destruction, withholding the power to send your life downhill.
Joy, sorrow, anger, confusion, anxiety, hatred towards others. The sinful six who chose to stay by your side when you are mentally upset. Your emotions tend to be shifting. One moment, you're enjoying life, but soon, you're crying over something insignificant. You develop a fear of being judged, and that awakens your anxiety.
And that’s when depression gets the best of you, depression isn't something you can put a band aid over and say it'll be okay. It drags you into this pit and never lets you go. No matter how hard or how long someone's rope is they throw to get you out, something always cuts the string so you fall back down to the ground. You get hurt with each try to get out, and more and more dirt is covering you as you try.
The major problem with us humans, is that we romanticize even the thought of battling oneself mentally. The seriousness behind it has faded away, but little do we know, so are we. For every single reckless thing we do, we're the ones paying the price. Such one thing is acting as if depression is an appealing that makes you the grunge teenager. Depression is dangerous, but many use it to seek attention, to be popular in social media because of the 'grunge aesthetic', you find it beautiful, but unfortunately, depression is the exact opposite of it. Depression makes you feel unworthy, uninterested and unimpressed in the world around you. It does horrible things to you that are not aesthetic, but the moment you start fighting against it, is when you realize that just because you're depressed, it doesn't mean you're any less worthy.
But there's nothing tragically beautiful about depression. Depression is the unseen, unheard, silent killer. It is the pain that is too much to deal with, too hard to cope with and never understood. It’s the unwashed clothes and peeling skin. It's over eating and the inability to even get out of bed. It's giving up on yourself and not taking pride in your appearance anymore. It's empty inboxes, bursts of anger and late night tears. It's a feeling of disgust within yourself that makes you want to tear off your own skin just so you can feel clean. It's uncertainty and confusion. It's losing weight, long showers and greasy hair. It's constantly wishing you could be somewhere or someone else. It's losing the will to even live.
Depression is not tragically beautiful, it's just tragic.