The En-visible (Chapter 2)

If you’ve ever been called delusional, crazy or faking it, you may want to read this.

My story with Endometriosis…

A nice female doctor approached me with a flashing smile.

Dr. : -“Dear, It must have been so hard for you this month..”
Me: -“Yes Dr. I don’t know what happened, suddenly everything went black and I was in too much pain that’s what I remember. I’m I okay? Is that normal?!”
Dr.: ’Yes dear, It sometimes happen when you’re under so much stress or you might have not been taking care of your health lately..”
Nurse : – “Tla2eki mabtakleesh kways hehehe ..”
Dr. : “You’re okay now and you can go home whenever you are ready..”

Oh, yes..I’m so ready more than you know Dr..I hate hospitals…

I started having a general “not well” feeling, my increasing fatigue has made me really less productive that I started to skip a lot of activities and just focus on studying. My upbeat dynamic life was gradually fading, my life colors were fading to dull gray.

By the time high school had started, I had quit all my activities. I didn’t know what was really wrong with me. My life was okay except for minor problems and the everyday stuff. But for some reason I was generally sad and irritable every day, and this usually peaked around my period cycle, yes, hormonal imbalance was the name of the game. It was extreme to the point that sometimes I had suicidal thoughts at night or cry myself to sleep. I was always very depressed, always in too much abdominal pain. It was a real mess.

For the next 4 years, I started to experience other uncomfortable encounters, fatigue, shoulder & chest pain, headaches and of course my usual stomach upset, that I got used to. But everything was attributed to my body being ‘weak’, malnutrition, not eating enough this, not drinking enough of that and my mom’s complaints of me never finishing my vegetables plate.

I decided to visit an internist for a checkup. I tried to explain how bad the pain I feel is, and how it’s ongoing. He requested routine scans but found nothing but slight anemia. He jokingly commented of how young people prefer to eat junk these days and attributed my abdominal pain to inflamed colon. He decided to throw few more jokes on how girls act sissy and that I need to toughen up a little bit and even try to lose some of the excess weight I have. He prescribed some pain killers and vitamins and I went off.

That was my first encounter with a doctor. I felt really disappointed and misunderstood. The doctor only thought I was being a drama queen or faking it. I got so sick of everyone telling me I’m over acting. No one actually understood what I was going through.

And in that very moment, I decided to just suck it all up.

And pain killers became my best friend since then.

My long term suffering had set a new definition for “Normal”. I just had to go with it and get a grip.

Worse PMS meant more pain killers, didn’t work? No problem! I’ll just seek a stronger pain killer! It went on like this all my college years. No drama for me anymore…

“It must have been my nature to have low pain tolerance. I mean, who doesn’t complain of cramps anyway. And yeah, we “Girls” are the craziest! Our hormones keep driving us nuts all the time. Why should I be the exception?! Everyone gets this bad mood every once in a while “

That’s what I kept repeating to myself for the whole 4 college years. I finally got through this and there I was so ready to start my career life. But it wasn’t as smooth as I thought it would be…

To Be Continued..


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