Women, men & family

Impact of words on our beloved ones’ future

With the current state of quarantine, we tend to spend more time with our children, considering that the amount of interactions with the child will be at least double what it used to be if not 4 times more often.

Rising in domestic violence in the entire world, how could it be doing in our beloved Egypt?

In fact, you’ll find yourself at home, with your children and seeing their actions makes you a bit stressed, that’s why I brought to you today some notes that could help you use the crisis to create learning for your children and maybe give them what you could not get: “Understanding”.

Hint: Knowing how stressful are the responsibilities of parents in modern life, therefore the existence of a coach for the parents help them win the game:

"Parenting coach is a job to help parents to move forward no matter their decisions”.

Educators and scientists find a great deal of brain development and programming in the early years.

When it comes to the admiration of children and families, the US department of health and human services announced in 2008 that 50 000 children were officially counted as victims of emotional abuse.

In our culture, some words could come as a joke but if you write it down to a specialist could simply point most of them as emotional abuse for a growing child.

The way parents raise their children and behave around them set up the basic ground which builds their personality and self-esteem.

Today we are covering how the words shape our children’s hidden beliefs about themselves.

Let us check a sample of toxic things to say to a child and impact his future:

⦁ offensive words against the child apparent: (You are ugly, fat, look stupid.)
⦁ Provocative questions towards children's actions: (Why do you eat this way!)
⦁ Selfish wishes: (I wish you were different; I wish I didn't have you.)
⦁ Making a child feel like a burden (It is too expensive to have you! You make me work too hard.)
⦁ Unhealthy comparing children: (Why aren’t you like your brother, or like your friend!)
⦁ Abusive words: (You are useless, stupid, failure)
⦁ Threatening abandonment: (I will leave you; I will kick you out the house)
⦁ Empty promise: (If you do it, I will buy you a gift)

Try to remember being told such wordings, which is very common in the baby boomers’ era to speak in such ways, as a type of parenting or even jokes.

How did you feel back then?
Can you remember your reaction?
Who was with you by the time?
What was their reaction?

So, let us test our reaction towards the below statements from children:

⦁ I Hate you!!
⦁ I do not want to do the homework!!
⦁ I want to go out! I hate coronavirus
⦁ I wish I am blind and poor!
⦁ I wish you would die! I wish I die!

In the time we receive such words from the children, parents rush to respond and correct, which could be unhelpful for both the parent and the child.

Simple and effective solution is to ask the child to do a number of jumping jacks and sports moves for at least 10 minutes and you will find the child to restart.

As well, use open ended questions with your children to guide them to tell stories but stop taking it too seriously and if you find yourself stressed do not engage and pause, a pause is always helpful for a child.

I would recommend understanding how the child brain works by reading Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson “The Whole Brain Child” 12 Proven Strategies to nurture your child’s development.

You will be amazed as you learn in this book about many subjects such as:
⦁ Helping the brain to develop properly. “What is still not available in a child brain?”
⦁ Integrating memory for Growth and healing.
⦁ Using sports to restart the mind in a healthy state.

Let me share with you the steps of emotional coaching for a child:

1- Listen to the child. (Become aware of the child's emotions more than words)
2- Empathize with soothing words and affection. (Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for
understanding)
3- Help the child label the emotions he or she is feeling. (Help them find the words to label the emotion they have)
4- Offer guidance on regulating emotions. (Example of jumping jacks and pushups)
5- Set limits and coach acceptable expression of emotions. (It helps exploring strategies to solve the problem in hand)
6- Coach problem solving skills.

To gather the major keys of today’s article, please make sure of the below:

- your children are like a recording camera. so do your best act, you are live on AIR!
- Parents' words are a belief system for the children, tell them what you want them to believe about themselves.
- Do not overreact to a child's words about a bad wish or act in mind.
- Use emotional coaching to get the best out of the situation.
- If you are going to use punishment, make it full of sports and exercise their body.

Wishing you and your children a safe period full of learning, as Parenting coaching is a way to avoid more stress in life, while we want to enjoy the journey with our loved ones.